The Hockey Blog

Ok kids, I promised you this so here it is......Sit back, relax and prepare to enjoy a classic piece of Williams.

The lady I bought my house off is a PE teacher at the local school. Being a typical Educated Type she has zero organisational skills and thus I have spent the first 8 or 9 weeks in my house sending her a massive collection of mail each week, as she has not got round to doing a redirect. I was getting crosser and crosser about this as it was costing me a fortune in stamps nevertheless hassle! So my enclosed 'notes' suitably got less and less friendly. Just as I was about to get Very Cross Indeed she posted me a lovely Thank You card, saying how bad she felt about it and how amazing I was to post it all on etc etc, which was really nice of her and of course meant I could not unleash my Serious Crossness on her.



The next week I received a note from her enclosing a letter for me I had sent on to her by mistake (how complicated?) in which she asked whether I would mind putting up a poster for her Hockey Team in work, which I did. When I sent her the next week's load of mail (still no redirection...), I added on my by now 'Hi Kirsty how are you what have you been up to in the last week' chatty type note the fact that I had put her Hockey poster up in work, and jokingly asking if 38 was too old to play Hockey.

Some two weeks went past where the post I received for her decreased massively (hurrah! redirect at last) with just the odd clothing catalogue (kept by me) and Wine Club flyer (binned by me) arrived for her. Then one cold Monday evening there is a knock at my door - lo! and behold

if it is not Ms Previous House Owner and Member of Hockey Team, clutching some more post for me (parking permit application, jolly pleased to get my grubby mitts on that) and also holding a piece of paper that had a map on it.

I invited her in, took great delight in telling her she no longer needed to take her shoes upon entry as the white hall carpet was now (a) mine, (b) filthy and (c) being replaced by Father Christmas (hee hee), and we went to the kitchen for a cuppa and a catch up (our penpal relationship blossoming nicely into Possible Buddies). Over said cuppa she announces that 38 is not too old to play Hockey, there are several ladies older than me on the team and gave me directions to the Hockey Club where I was to report at 7pm prompt the next night in order to attend training!

Well, I was so gobsmacked at this (having completely forgotten my foolish off-the-cuff comment about playing) that I agreed to turn up, after making a feeble attempt to cry off by stating I did not have a Stick. 'No problem!' came the reply 'just borrow one of mine!'. So, off she tore (being a PE teacher she is Manic with respect to her physical movements) leaving me stunned in the kitchen.

I spent the rest of the evening and all the next day whirling the idea of Actually Turning Up around in my head, going from 'F It! Go For It' to 'Don't be ridiculous, it is 24 years since you last picked up a Hockey Stick and you were damn useless then'. Anyway, I got home Tuesday night from work and decided to embrace the F It approach, duly donned the only Sports Kit I own (being my running gear) and set off for the Hockey Club.

The Club, being some 12 miles away, took about 15 minutes to drive too and half way there I was forced to pull over as I was finding it hard to drive due to the fact my whole body was shaking with nerves (if the cops had turned up they would have bundled me into a blood wagon and sent me straight to the Hozzie (as we Northerners call the Hospital) convinced I was suffering from Epilepsy). I sat there, clad in my thin tight chilly running lycra, and told myself I was totally stupid, I couldn't play Hockey as a child so what made me think I could now, I have never had any time for the whole Women United Through Sports scene, and I was simply setting myself up to make a complete show of myself for an hour and a half. Shaking having subisded to a manageable degree, I turned my ST around and we started back for home.

Next set of lights I literally shout at myself to Get A Grip - it is one evening of your life where you will undoubtedly make a show of yourself (nothing new there), in front of complete strangers who you would never see again, and what the hell you Just Might Like It. So, U-Turn #2 and back we are heading to the Club.

I get there, meet my mate Kirsty, get introduced to anout 30 women of all shapes, sizes, ages and abilities and before you know it I am taking part in Hockey Training! I could not believe it. Moreover, I was enjoying myself, despite the fact it was -4 degrees and everyone else had hoodies and thick track pants on so I was the only tw@t in running lycra; and even despite the really embarrassing fact I could not remember a single bloody thing about Hockey - how to dribble, how to tackle etc etc! But I strove on remorselessly and even played a blinding 20 mins as Goal Defence at the end (where I performed several Killer Tackles, one causing some verbal abuse which I was dead chuffed about!).

So, training session over we all bugger off home pronto, me all a glow with my personal physical and mental successes of Having A Go and Liking It.

Time I got home to my cold empty dark house it was 9pm, I am now suffering Full Body Shakes #2 and have already developed pulled muscles, so I sink into a hot bath to warm up. Time I have that, eat some tea and chill out it is 10.30 pm which for me is Very Late Indeed considering I am stone cold sober! So I fall into bed and have a massive sleep. Morning comes, I can't bloody move! Every muscle in my body has gone into revolt and is refusing to work, I was like a 100 year old when I finally persuaded my limbs to move and get out of bed, it was awful. I got to work and felt a bit better, especially when I started telling everyone I Played Hockey Last Night (Amazing how massaging an ego can remedy any number of physical injuries!). (I must confess I nearly took my borrowed stick to work so I could effect that casual 'Oh yes, I play Hockey' approach).

So, the week progressed and everyone remained Very Impressed at my new found skill. Tuesday came around real quick mind you, but all my friends wished me luck for Hockey as they left work so I was all set up for Training Session 2. I got home, sat on my sofa, lit the fire (just to take the edge off) and yup, you guessed it, I went straight to F It mode and snuggled up to watch a decent evening's telly, no more of that freezing my ass off pretending to bond wirh complete strangers who verbally abused me and of whom a significant number were gay (remember the unwanted but ever present attraction I hold for gay women if you will) !!

So, that was the end of my Hockey Playing.

However, before you start with the 'Oh No' s and 'Go Back' s, consider this - I managed NOT to spend several hundred £ on the complete kit - which in itself is a Huge Achievement, especially when you cast your mind back to the whole Mountain Bike Episode, which cost me around £400 and left me falling over a bloody bike I no longer wanted after 3 rides (which I leant to my sister back in 2006 so you can bet your bottom dollar I won't be seeing that again)! So, all in all a bit of a result for me I reckon. (I forgot to tell you I also confirmed during the training session that I really Don't have any hand-eye co-ordination. Think Golf Lessons!). And a fab story which has certainly made me laugh in the telling, so hopefully will have made you laugh too.

Until my next fad - good bye !! xxxxxoxoxoxxxooox

...The Week After

Well, what a wedding that was! A fantastic event, thank you very much to the B&G for my lovely evening invitation, I was honoured to be amongst your guests. Hope SA is fun!

The wedding set the scene for what turned out to be a very social weekend for me, I spent lots of quality time with lots of lovely lovely people who I have not seen 'properly' for ages, so I had an absolute ball as my Pops would say. It took me all of the next weekend to recover mind you, being unaccustomed to such intense revelling, but boy oh boy it was worth it ;-)

Been an odd week so far, lots of ups and downs work wise, hopefully they will all have been for a reason and hopefully the ultimate ending will be the right one for me. Sooooo hard to make a decision this time! Who would have thought that choice can be a bad thing.

Went for a run Sunday, first one for 2 weeks, was terrible! And got spotted by a colleague, why do you never get seen when you are fit and lithe and athletic and running properly? Why only when you have not been for weeks, have put on a stone at least, are bright red in the face, sweating for England and barely lifting your feet more than 1 cm off the ground? Life is so unfair. Anyway, this experience coupled with critically viewing myself in a three way mirror in Next later that day drove me to purchase an exercise bike. I can't go running here in the dark on my own, crazy. I have left the gym - too expensive and full of lycra clad idiots, mostly grossly overweight who should never be allowed to buy lycra, not even for a famly member. And I am getting fat and unfit. So, I am now the proud owner of an EB.

Actually it rocks I must say, especially cos you can cycle away in your jeans whilst watching EastEnders, with a nice glass of red nestling safely in the drinks holder! Heaven. Why on earth I did not think of it before I have no clue. The bizarre thing about an EB is the fact no-one who enters your house is unable to resist the temptation to sit on it! Very funny when they realise they are perched on someone else's EB for no apparent reason! It's a bit like the old calculator urge, people have to do 9 x 9 on them just to check they work. Love life's little foibles!

So, I have just 12 (TWELVE) more sleeps til Vegas!!! Holy crap how exciting is that?! I have so much to do before I go, of which I know I am only going to get about half done, but that works for me! I primarily need to get all the crap I bought from Ikea put up. I was waiting until I had painted everywhere but seeing as how I have only painted 3 rooms so far, one of which being the bathroom which doesn't reallty count as a whole room, and have 3 left to do thus is not something that is going to happen soon. And I am sick of tripping over cardboard packages containing very solid shelves that really stub your toes! So I have invested in a digital wall scanner thing that tells you where wires are, and I intend to Erect Shelving this weekend. (the bloke from work who was going to do it for me has never turned up, and when he spied me today he actually ran away. Don't think therefore I can rely on him!). I am sure this event will prompt a blog of its own, which reminds me I still owe you a Hockey Blog. I've added it to my List of Things to Do Before Vegas!

Take care folks and keep watching this space
Lots love Me xxxxx

The Day Before...

...The Wedding that is! Cannot believe B&S are getting spliced tomorrow, where the hell has this year gone? Scary stuff, scary stuff. Am so looking forward to the party afterwards, it is going to be just great to see Absolutely Everyone when Absolutely Everyone will be partying! This is the official start of my party season so it is damn good to be starting right up there at the top!

I have even taken this afternoon off in honour of it, though I must confess that honour is shared with my Mum's Birthday, as that is tomorrow also, and I have yet to get her a card. She has luckily sorted out her own present (Bird Table) (New, not from The Charity Shop!) (about which we shall all be tackling her tomorrow) so I don't have to worry about that. I do also have to worry about getting a replacement Wedding Card (got all organised last time I went to Chester and bought one then, now of course have lost it.) (Did locate invitation in the hunting-for-card process though so not all lost!). I also have to worry about getting a load of washing done, getting a spare house key to my neighbour, and agreeing a price with a guy from work to out up all the crap I bought from Ikea last week. Oh and get the various areas of the house where the said crap will be hung painted before he hangs stuff up. So that is pretty much this avo sorted! (SO if I do have loads of dodgy streaks in my hair tomorrow night it is paint not grey). Honest.

Just remembered I have another job to do, being returning a hockey stick to the woman I bought my house off. This is a long and special story that deserves a blog post all of its own, which I shall do retrospectively next week for you. It wil give me something to do when in Swindon office Monday!!

Right kids I have to love you and leave you as I need to get myself Vicky'd. (Organised!) (See how brave you can be by blog!) (Watch her rip my head off for it In Person Next Week!)

Have fabulous Fridays all, and I am seriously looking forward to seeing you all tomorrow night, when B&S will be Mrs & Mrs!! Love me xxxxxxx

Blackpool Illuminated

Hello all

Apologies for being a Bad Blogger and not posting anything for a week or so, it has to be fair been quite a hectic few days....went to see Man U play Middlesborough (or should that be 'kick Middlesborough's backside') at Old Trafford, fab fab fab, love it so much, cannot believe I was 37 before going to a match, it is The Best Day Out! So thanks to those special people who helped that happen, I loves ya. What else, went on a Girls Night Out to Liverpool but it was a bit shite this time, it was really quiet in the city which did not help, plus one of us drove which did not help, plus one of us was pretty much detested by most of the rest of us which did not help, so three of us called it a night at midnight and were nicely tucked up in bed by 12.30, bit of a shame but far superior to 'seeing it out' as the other 3 did and not getting in til 3am! So Fun but not Fantastic. Went to Blackpool, never been before, will never ever ever go again, what a hideous place! Full of hideous people selling hideous things, really was awful. Glad I have been so I can tick it off the list but seriously, can you imagine staying Overnight in some blue neon lit hovel calling itself a Guesthouse? Or even a Weekend?? These people are insane. Gross.

The Blackpool trip was unfortunately (for him) A Date. Though unfortunately (for him) I decided it was never going to work the minute he turned up on my doorstep to be honest, I should have listened to my highly-developed Tolerance Detector and picked up on the fact it was nearly at full noise for No Tolerance! But I ploughed on telling myself I was as usual being too quick to dismiss someone. Uh uh! I was spot on! So the poor bugger slowly comitted social suicide ... could not drive well, drove a crap car, made crap jokes, could not park, had no money for car park, wanted to go on fairground rides and most of all LIKED BLACKPOOL!! So the end of a possible relationship. However, I am not in the least traumatised by this, I am in fact Dead Proud of myself for actually Getting Out There and Having A Go, it has been a long long time since I did anything as daring as actually go on a date so nothing was lost (bar his social standing of course) and masses gained. Done it once, can do it again! Just maybe not too quick....!

I then capitalised on this new found bravery and went, alone and knowing one person slightly (in that I bought her house), to Hockey Training on Tuesday night, and I bloody loved it! I have not picked up a hockey stick since I was about 14, so we are talking 24 years ago, and as those of you who had the duious pleasure of attending Golf lessons with me, I have no hand-eye coordination whatsoever, so I was never any good at it as a kid let alone 24 years later. But, I really really enjoyed myself, and although some of the Ladies were a tad frosty/not particularly welcoming most of them were lovely and I have decided to Go Back Next Week! Don't get me wrong, I am still totally useless (we were doing exercises in channelling attacks on goal away from you which required a simple dribble out round a cone and then into goal attack. Guess who could not even get the dribbling round the cone bit sorted!) but there were some others who certainly weren't Excellent and it was just fun. Though I do have to invest in a hoodie and track pants, I turned up in my running gear (being all the Lesiure clothing I possess despite living in Tracksuit Town) and consequently froze my ass off for 1.5 hours. But, a new found sport! How cool is that?!

Work has been crap this week with doom and gloom annoucements re redunos etc. We were all particularly stunned to receive a Bad News Announcement and then watch the Manager disappear on holiday for a week! Nice timing, and real good demo of your personal commitment to the place... we were initially outraged at this (yesterday) but today the atmosphere was the best it has been for months as we all blatantly asked each other Who Was Going and Who Was Staying and then played Critique the CV all afternoon (I did 5!). So although a sad reflection on the state of the place it was the best afternoon I have had for ages. And I have a shit hot CV now and an appointment with a head hunter tomorrow am! They emailed me! Yipperdeedoodah. So I will keep you posted on progress.

Right kids best go as we have ourselves a massive storm up here which keeps making the internet drop out which is doing my head in. I hope some of you are still logging in and interested in this, though to be honest I get as much pleasure from just writing my whirlwind thoughts down so I shall pretend you all read it and not worry about it if you don't! Have fun y'awl and I will post more blogs more often (if only for my own sanity!). Looking forward to The Wedding! Love me xxxxxxx